The SAHWM
There are so many resources, videos, communities, and post about a stay at home mom, and a full-time working mom; but what about a stay at home working mom?
A stay at home working mom, SAHWM, is a mom who works full or part time whom is also a stay at home mom. On top of her job, she’s in charge of the kids, groceries, errands and house things; oh and being a wife. When I found out I was pregnant, we knew the best thing for me to do is be home with our baby while maintaining my current job as a full time wedding photographer.
Not going to lie, when I first found out I was pregnant, I thought balancing all of my work I can do at home while taking care of my baby and the house would be a breeze. Well I was hit with a reality check once my baby was actually here and I went back to work.
I’ve been full time working again since mid august and I feel like I have a stress break down about once a week, and I’m not even in my busiest season yet. I get mad at myself, I get mad at my husband, and i’ve cried A LOT. Since having a baby I either get the advice “ sleep when baby is asleep “, or “ you can work when baby is sleeping”. Well that would be great if I had a pro napper, but I don’t. According to a class my husband and I took from takingcarababies to learn more about helping our baby sleep better, we learned that most babies do not have a set nap schedule when they are napping 1.5-2 hours or more at a time until they are at least 5 months old. If your baby was a premie, like ours, they don’t tend to have a constant sleep scheduled until closer to 8-12 months. During the first month back to work, I was luckily if my girl took a nap longer than 20 minutes on anything but me. Since month 2 has began, I’ve made it my goal to get her used to napping on her own, in her own space. Although we’ve come a long way and now she sleeps best when she isn’t contact napping, most days I still can only get her to nap for 45-60 mins. But hey, that’s a win.
Are you trying everything and anything to keep your head above the surface? Yeah same. Are you still wanting to grow in your career and reach those dreams? Yeah same. You ARE NOT alone. and guess what? We can do both of those. When you have that little time, do that house chore you’ve been putting off for a week. Or do you have 10 minutes? Reach-out to that client, make that post, write that blog. or even take a quick cat nap.
Working full or part time while sleep training a baby is tough. Take the wins wherever you can get them. These small positives is what going to get you through the harder days. If she naps for 30 mins in her crib, celebrate her. If she takes a 45 minute nap in the swing celebrate her. Especially before the age of 5 months, any length of nap is worth celebrating.
As she’s getting older and I’m able to create more of a routine not only for her but for me, I’m starting to see the glimpse of being able to actually do this. At first, I had no hope, and was struggling with being too hard on myself because the dishes piled up or because the baby only napped 30 mins or because I wasn’t able to create the post I wanted to today for work.
Now, I’m starting to see a glimpse of hope. I’ve learned four things since being a stay at home working mom-
If you have resources to help you out, don’t be afraid to use them. I thought I was weak when I first asked for someone to hangout with my child so I can solely focus on work. I felt guilty because I needed to put my attention else where for a short period of time. That’s so stupid of me- honestly. Sometimes we need extra time to just focus on work so we can get our job done and help provide for our family. Sometimes we need assistance so we can finally get the pile of laundry put away that has been piled up for two weeks. and well, sometimes we just need a nap and that is ok. Using this help will help you become a better you day to day.
Consistency is key. I NEVER thought I would be able to get my baby to nap without movement or me. For the longest time, she solely did contact naps or napped in the swing (yes, she was supervised). One day, I realized when I’m at my peak season with weddings in a month or so, I’m not going to be able to contact nap, as much as I would want to. So we started doing naps in the crib. The first week to week and a half was TOUGH. Constantly having to re-rock her, or do small cry out moments, replacing the binky a million times, and if she fell asleep, maxed stayed alseep for 10 minutes. But I didn’t give up and now on week four, she does almost every nap in her crib and sleeps anywhere from 30-75 minutes. That’s a win.
You’re not alone. I came to realized there are so many other moms out there who are in the same boat as I am. Having a friend, or an in person or online community that is going through the same thing you are has helped me navigate through a lot. Also leaning on your husband. He may be working a 9-5 but he should be your biggest support system, I know mine is. I learned that the hard way but I’m so thankful that I have my husband, and also a friend I can turn to who is also a SAHWM.
Utilize a realistic to do list. Instead of stressing each day, I create a block schedule where I give myself x amount of time to get each thing on my to do list done. It may be something around the house done or a task for work. You may set a 20 minute timer during nap time because your baby has only been napping for 20 minutes. And that’s perfect. It’s the whole point of a realistic block schedule. When I set a time for myself to get something done, I only allow myself to do what I said I would do. I told myself to tackle laundry during this nap, but my mind is focus on the piled up dishes- NOPE. You are just allowed to focus on laundry. Now, if you get done with laundry during the time and baby is still napping or content with whatever activity, then sure start on the dishes but there is no need to overwhelm yourself. You can have another time set aside to get that next task done.
My advice to other new SAHWM, you got this and it gets easier. Give yourself realistic tasks each day but allow for changes. Set timers if you have to. And if you don’t get a certain task done or your baby is needing you extra, remind yourself to be thankful that you’re able to be home with your baby. Some moms don’t get that yet you do.
